Archive for February, 2007

22
Feb
07

Avoid, Avoid, Avoid

2/13/07 

I have been avoiding this blog for the past couple of days because I didn’t want to talk about this weekend and all of the food I ate. Even though I am talking to myself here, I feel guilty and ashamed.

My first mistake was the PIZZA. I had been coveting this pizza for a month or more. I thought; I am doing so well, that I could treat myself to something I was really craving. That’s what I did, but I could not stop eating the PIZZA. It didn’t stop there. I started feeling like an empty well, it was like I couldn’t get full enough. I had to have more. I went back downstairs to the kitchen and ate more shit.

 Continuing…2/21/07

I got so off track for a little while. I thought, “what the hell” not again. So much has happened since I started this post. I have a dozen things going on in my head, I hardly know where to start.

 Continuing…2/22/07

I am still writing this post. I am trying to be profound and witty but all I can think of are my 2006 taxes and getting everything ready for my accountant…It’s not happening.

So I am still avoiding this blog, but not for the same reason. I will come back when I stop pulling my hair out.

08
Feb
07

Short and Fat!

Whoa Nelly! It’s hard to see yourself as you really are. I had a friend take the picture of me today and once I got a chance to upload them, I had no choice but to take a long hard look at the fat that is surrounding my body. My chin seems to be an unending slab of fat around my face. My stomach looks like a beach ball. This has saddened me but I have to look at it for what it is and shut up and get happy. Shut up and do something about it. I have started on that path so I have to be proud of myself and my efforts thus far. Looking at these images of myself lets me know that I have a long road ahead. Short and fat, right now that is my physical description and I am the only one who can change it.

06
Feb
07

It just kept callin’ me, callin’ me man…

It’s been staring at me for weeks; I have resisted, my will has been strong; but last night it started calling me like crack called Pookie (Chris Rock) in New Jack City. It just kept callin me, callin me man…I finally had to answer. I got up from my chair at the kitchen table, walked over to the cabinets and got a knife. I walked back to the table and just looked at it; salivating. It was so beautiful and sexy I couldn’t help myself. My first obstacle was getting that damn dome off without making a lot of noise. The second obstacle was making the decision to cut. The temptation was too much for me to handle, although while cutting into the smooth velvety skin, I wished with all my might that it would be dry with no moisture at all, however, to the contrary it was moist, it smelled like heaven and was sweet to the touch. I was still in denial, so I didn’t bother to get a plate, I put the slice on a paper towel and took my first bite with a butter knife. It was so delightful, it was like I had never tasted Chocolate cake with chocolate on the outside, chocolate on the inside and white chocolate slivers all over. I enjoyed every last morsel and felt fat for a few minutes, but got over it and relished the memory.

Today, I am back on track and feel no guilt for yesterday’s knee scrape. I enjoyed it and my pleasure center was satisfied…I’m happy!