Archive for March, 2008

31
Mar
08

I Can Make You Thin…My Big Fat Ass

I need to blow off some steam right now so please excuse any excessive expletives.

It was my intention not to ever watch the new weight loss show on TLC — I Can Make You Thin, but last night I purposely reminded myself that it was coming on so I could check it out. I watched a few minutes and this guy started saying he was going to make you thin through the television; I changed the channel. Then I thought okay, give him the benefit of the doubt; so some time later I turned back to the show and this time the host was telling people to tap away their cravings; give me a fucking break. I am so tired of people trying to sell Americans a bunch of bull shit, instead of trying to sell the truth…Get up off your ass and exercise and put the fork down and stop eating too much food. That’s what we need to be sold on, the fast-food we are eating is killing us. Get back into the kitchen and cook healthy foods, stop eating that crappy processed food shit you are being sold on. Wake the hell up America, no one can stop this madness but us.

Move your ass and close your mouth.

 Okay, I’m done.

As always, be well

CF

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“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu

www.chaoticfat.com

18
Mar
08

Self-Esteem, Inferiority & Fat

So far this year, I have been exploring my inner being and who I really am, or at least who I think I am and how my fat plays a part in that. I am trying to figure out where my hunger, greed and need for more started and how my ego is a part of those needs. I am trying to figure out how my ego feeds my need to never feel inferior to anyone, but my ego relishes my ability to feel superior when it’s necessary to save myself from my perceived notion of inferiority. 

I know this all sounds like this woman maybe sliding off the roof or something, but I want to truly understand why I got fat in the first place so that I never have to worry about this again. The statistics for regaining weight are very high and I don’t want to be a part of that statistic.

I always thought I had a healthy self esteem and I am finding out that maybe it wasn’t so healthy, but was a mask for feelings of inferiority. My mask was my way of getting through this life relatively unscathed by life’s harsher dimensions and eating and getting fat helped me hide because when you’re fat you become mostly invisible to the rest of the world.

I won’t say here, but I believe I know the exact series of events that helped me lose the inherent confidence I had as a child. It’s unfortunate that we don’t recognize the point at which we help to change the human being a child was to become and instead of appreciating children for who they are we want to make them who we think they should be. Once the process has begun the rest of the world recognizes the child’s vulnerability and pounces on it.

Now I am left to clean up this mess and it is turning out to be quite a clean up job. Learning to really be responsible for who you are, what you feel and how you react to the world is hard, but extremely liberating. I am freeing myself from the wounds, real or perceived that I have been carrying around and covering up with food for many many years.

I am still a Non-Smoker 🙂

As always, be well

CF

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“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu

www.chaoticfat.com