Archive for the 'Eating' Category


Stress, Stress and More Stress

I am not one who worries or gets stressed out about things easily and thankfully that still holds true. That being said, I have been under a great deal of stress lately, worrying about a family member’s health. For almost a month, this member was misdiagnosed and we finally learned that she had diverticulitis. It is a digestive disease which forms pouches outside the colon. She has gone through a round of antibiotics and soon will have a colonscopy; the next step is changing her diet so that she eats more fibrous foods which is proving to be difficult. She can no longer eat dairy and needs to cut down drastically on sugar; getting her to comply and to basically eat more like me is like pulling teeth. I try little things like buying soy ice cream, and soy milk, etc. We already have a lot of beans and veggies and whole wheat and whole grains in the house, now I just have to get her to eat them. She is a small woman and since getting sick has lost some weight which is freaking her out, which is in turn freaking me out. For a time she wasn’t eating anything at all; she has always been a junk food, crappy food, fast food eating individual whose weight hovers around 120 -125, her weight went down to 114, but is now around 116. Like I said she is a small woman, so that 5-6lb loss is very noticeable. A side note, I have found that she is excessively vain which is cute and funny. We went to the hospital for a check up and she got a couple of cat calls and that made her feel good, which made me feel good.

I know this has nothing to do with my weight struggles, but I just needed to talk about it. Thanks for letting me de-stress and decompress.

As always, be well



“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu


I Can Make You Thin…My Big Fat Ass

I need to blow off some steam right now so please excuse any excessive expletives.

It was my intention not to ever watch the new weight loss show on TLC — I Can Make You Thin, but last night I purposely reminded myself that it was coming on so I could check it out. I watched a few minutes and this guy started saying he was going to make you thin through the television; I changed the channel. Then I thought okay, give him the benefit of the doubt; so some time later I turned back to the show and this time the host was telling people to tap away their cravings; give me a fucking break. I am so tired of people trying to sell Americans a bunch of bull shit, instead of trying to sell the truth…Get up off your ass and exercise and put the fork down and stop eating too much food. That’s what we need to be sold on, the fast-food we are eating is killing us. Get back into the kitchen and cook healthy foods, stop eating that crappy processed food shit you are being sold on. Wake the hell up America, no one can stop this madness but us.

Move your ass and close your mouth.

 Okay, I’m done.

As always, be well



“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu


Happy New Year Everyone!

Hey everyone. I hope all is well and you are still having great weight-loss success. I am glad to be back and ready to begin again with a greater clarity of mind and greater knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses.

Over the past year I learned a lot about myself and figured out that getting rid of the chaos one step at a time works best for me. So the first thing I had to do was figure out what all the chaos in my life was about; then I had to figure out what to get rid of first. The first thing on my list was to get real and stop the number one thing hurting me and my progress. I wasn’t able to admit it to myself last year, but today is a new day, so here goes.


It is very difficult because I am having those phantom feelings. But I am learning to replace my feelings when this phenomenon occurs. It feels really freaky sometimes though; like when I am driving and I have the urge to look in my bag for a cigarette and light up while driving or after dinner when I usually smoke to cap off the meal with a cig. I am learning to look at these times differently and start new habits. I finally got my new computer and I am learning how to design/create blogs from scratch so that is taking up a lot of my down time. Learning computer programming languages is no joke. 🙂 Sometime this year, I will have completed the new design for my blog which will include a monthly vlog and chaoticfat swag.

I am not really worried about weight gain/loss right now because I really have to concentrate on this. I am trying to save my life in stages and stopping smoking needs to come first. I gained a lot of weight last year, so I will be starting fresh on that front (I went crazy on my hiatus). So, wish me luck on my journey this year and hopefully I will come out on top with certain goals being met when all is said and done next December.

Have a great year on your journey and I will see you on the other side.

As always, be well,


“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu


Lisamm – Books on the Brain…An Expression of Gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for recommending the book Body Clutter. Love Your Body, Love YourselfI am only on page three and the self analysis has truly begun. I am trying to find out why I have this bottomless pit of hunger and never feel quite full. One thing I have learned is that I feel guilty for not better protecting the little girl I used to be. Again, I am only on page three so this is going to one hell of a road to real and authentic self discovery. Lisamm — Books on the Brain you rock. I will be eternally grateful to you.

Be well, CF


ChaoticFat:Weight-346.2 (+9.2)

I am so embarrassed to have to post that I gained 9.2 lbs…but, it is what it is. That damn Tanita is too accurate and I can’t hide from or lie to the friends who read this blog or to myself who reads the scale in all it’s accurate glory. I am disappointed but not discouraged that I now weigh a tiny bit over my starting weight. Knocking myself in the head…WHAT DID I JUST SAY?…YES, I WEIGH JUST OVER MY STARTING WEIGHT! This sh*t is so f*!king hard, please excuse my language, but I am so damn mad right now. 

I do have one thing to say… iPod — SchmiPod. Okay, so I can’t blame the iPod, but I sure as hell want to blame something other than myself. I really have fallen in love with Chaotic my little piece of electronic wonderment.

 I think right now I am soooo anticipating the new year that I am over eating a lot. I’ve done the 10lb. holiday weight gain before the dang-blasted holidays. My ass is so backwards sometime. I keep feeling like I have to resign myself to being obese for the rest of my life and then the next day I resign myself to stop the “stinkin thinkin.” I feel like I am aimlessly wondering through a verbal juggernaut with myself all the time. I can’t get my “being” to coordinate with my wants and desires.

This is so damn hard….

Be well, CF


We are a fat nation

Hello everyone, I’m back from my holiday and I had a great time. As you can probably tell from my previous post, I took a cruise to the caribbean. How lovely was that! Now for the good/not so good part.

We really are a nation of fatties. If a cruise of between 2,000–2,500 people can be considered a microcosm of the United States then more than half of us are very very fat. There were all different levels of fat people:

You had your obese—I have to ride in a scooter fattie;

your obese—I can barely walk the halls of this ship but I am going to anyway because this is my vacation and I will enjoy it come hell or high water fattie;

your fat —I am fat, but still feel cute in this spandex thingy I am wearing and my feet are killing me in these damn shoes but I will die first before I take them off fattie;

your fat—I don’t know how I let myself go, but I am going on a diet as soon as this vacation is over fattie;

and your fat—I’m a plumpy and love my curves so get over yourself and deal fattie.

There were so many different kinds of fat, it was very eye opening. I felt a certain kind of sadness and a kinship with those people. Everyone was so pleasant and believe it or not happy. I think when you are on holiday, you leave all of your worries behind and just enjoy. It also made me realize that being fat is not necessarily a death sentence. We can all strive to lose weight and be healthy, but we can also be fat and happy instead of fat and miserable. Almost everyone I met seemed to be comfortable in their skin whether they were obese or just slightly overweight. Or maybe they were just putting up a vacation front, it’s hard to tell. All I know is my fat nation and I had a fabulous cruise to the caribbean and I can’t wait to go again next year.

Now let’s talk about the food; as you may well know, there was an over abundance of it everywhere you turned. On day one and day two I ate so much food I had to go to my stateroom and lay my stomach down, she needed the rest and could barely move anyway. On day three, I came to my senses and ate like I still had a functioning brain that was not on holiday.

So yeah, the statistics are true, we are a very fat nation; but I love my country and am proud to be an American or should I say FAT American trying her best to get and live a healthy life whether fat or thin.

Oh and btw, I did manage to find the sport deck and do a little exercising/walking around the track. I didn’t fall completely into Never Never Land.


A Satisfying Treat…

I love watching cooking shows and one of my favorites is “The Barefoot Contessa.” Ina Garten is a lovely woman who happens to be overweight, is soft spoken and cooks for friends and family, but mainly for her man. Ina plys him with wonderful dishes. She seems warm and charming and I always want to give her a big ChaoticFat hug—I give great hugs btw.

The other day she made this dessert using strawberries, balsamic vinegar, sugar and some kind of fancy schmancy custard looking thing in the center. Well I love balsamic vinegar so I thought hmmm….strawberries, let me put my own spin (because I don’t really cook and trying to make the fancy schmancy custard is out of the question) on it and see if I can make it healthy. So here are my ingredients

  1. Strawberries (6-8 halved or quartered if you like)
  2. Balsamic Vinegar (any brand you like)
  3. Splenda or Stevia
  4. Fage Greek Yogurt (fat free of course, this is yummy delicious!)

In a bowl, place cut strawberries, add several drops of balsamic vinegar (cover, don’t saturate strawberries), sprinkle 1/2 or 1 whole packet of Splenda and then mix with a spoon. You can let it stand in the fridge for a while or not; I like to just go at it so the strawberries are still firm.—I can’t eat any fruit or veggie that’s not firm. If you’ve made a large bowl, scoop some fruit into a smaller bowl and add a dollop or two (up to you) of the Fage yogurt. Make sure you take the paper off the top and thoroughly stir the yogurt before adding to fruit.

This is such a great treat, try it and see.