Archive for the 'Food' Category


Stress, Stress and More Stress

I am not one who worries or gets stressed out about things easily and thankfully that still holds true. That being said, I have been under a great deal of stress lately, worrying about a family member’s health. For almost a month, this member was misdiagnosed and we finally learned that she had diverticulitis. It is a digestive disease which forms pouches outside the colon. She has gone through a round of antibiotics and soon will have a colonscopy; the next step is changing her diet so that she eats more fibrous foods which is proving to be difficult. She can no longer eat dairy and needs to cut down drastically on sugar; getting her to comply and to basically eat more like me is like pulling teeth. I try little things like buying soy ice cream, and soy milk, etc. We already have a lot of beans and veggies and whole wheat and whole grains in the house, now I just have to get her to eat them. She is a small woman and since getting sick has lost some weight which is freaking her out, which is in turn freaking me out. For a time she wasn’t eating anything at all; she has always been a junk food, crappy food, fast food eating individual whose weight hovers around 120 -125, her weight went down to 114, but is now around 116. Like I said she is a small woman, so that 5-6lb loss is very noticeable. A side note, I have found that she is excessively vain which is cute and funny. We went to the hospital for a check up and she got a couple of cat calls and that made her feel good, which made me feel good.

I know this has nothing to do with my weight struggles, but I just needed to talk about it. Thanks for letting me de-stress and decompress.

As always, be well



“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu


Lisamm – Books on the Brain…An Expression of Gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for recommending the book Body Clutter. Love Your Body, Love YourselfI am only on page three and the self analysis has truly begun. I am trying to find out why I have this bottomless pit of hunger and never feel quite full. One thing I have learned is that I feel guilty for not better protecting the little girl I used to be. Again, I am only on page three so this is going to one hell of a road to real and authentic self discovery. Lisamm — Books on the Brain you rock. I will be eternally grateful to you.

Be well, CF


ChaoticFat:Weight-346.2 (+9.2)

I am so embarrassed to have to post that I gained 9.2 lbs…but, it is what it is. That damn Tanita is too accurate and I can’t hide from or lie to the friends who read this blog or to myself who reads the scale in all it’s accurate glory. I am disappointed but not discouraged that I now weigh a tiny bit over my starting weight. Knocking myself in the head…WHAT DID I JUST SAY?…YES, I WEIGH JUST OVER MY STARTING WEIGHT! This sh*t is so f*!king hard, please excuse my language, but I am so damn mad right now. 

I do have one thing to say… iPod — SchmiPod. Okay, so I can’t blame the iPod, but I sure as hell want to blame something other than myself. I really have fallen in love with Chaotic my little piece of electronic wonderment.

 I think right now I am soooo anticipating the new year that I am over eating a lot. I’ve done the 10lb. holiday weight gain before the dang-blasted holidays. My ass is so backwards sometime. I keep feeling like I have to resign myself to being obese for the rest of my life and then the next day I resign myself to stop the “stinkin thinkin.” I feel like I am aimlessly wondering through a verbal juggernaut with myself all the time. I can’t get my “being” to coordinate with my wants and desires.

This is so damn hard….

Be well, CF


We are a fat nation

Hello everyone, I’m back from my holiday and I had a great time. As you can probably tell from my previous post, I took a cruise to the caribbean. How lovely was that! Now for the good/not so good part.

We really are a nation of fatties. If a cruise of between 2,000–2,500 people can be considered a microcosm of the United States then more than half of us are very very fat. There were all different levels of fat people:

You had your obese—I have to ride in a scooter fattie;

your obese—I can barely walk the halls of this ship but I am going to anyway because this is my vacation and I will enjoy it come hell or high water fattie;

your fat —I am fat, but still feel cute in this spandex thingy I am wearing and my feet are killing me in these damn shoes but I will die first before I take them off fattie;

your fat—I don’t know how I let myself go, but I am going on a diet as soon as this vacation is over fattie;

and your fat—I’m a plumpy and love my curves so get over yourself and deal fattie.

There were so many different kinds of fat, it was very eye opening. I felt a certain kind of sadness and a kinship with those people. Everyone was so pleasant and believe it or not happy. I think when you are on holiday, you leave all of your worries behind and just enjoy. It also made me realize that being fat is not necessarily a death sentence. We can all strive to lose weight and be healthy, but we can also be fat and happy instead of fat and miserable. Almost everyone I met seemed to be comfortable in their skin whether they were obese or just slightly overweight. Or maybe they were just putting up a vacation front, it’s hard to tell. All I know is my fat nation and I had a fabulous cruise to the caribbean and I can’t wait to go again next year.

Now let’s talk about the food; as you may well know, there was an over abundance of it everywhere you turned. On day one and day two I ate so much food I had to go to my stateroom and lay my stomach down, she needed the rest and could barely move anyway. On day three, I came to my senses and ate like I still had a functioning brain that was not on holiday.

So yeah, the statistics are true, we are a very fat nation; but I love my country and am proud to be an American or should I say FAT American trying her best to get and live a healthy life whether fat or thin.

Oh and btw, I did manage to find the sport deck and do a little exercising/walking around the track. I didn’t fall completely into Never Never Land.


A Satisfying Treat…

I love watching cooking shows and one of my favorites is “The Barefoot Contessa.” Ina Garten is a lovely woman who happens to be overweight, is soft spoken and cooks for friends and family, but mainly for her man. Ina plys him with wonderful dishes. She seems warm and charming and I always want to give her a big ChaoticFat hug—I give great hugs btw.

The other day she made this dessert using strawberries, balsamic vinegar, sugar and some kind of fancy schmancy custard looking thing in the center. Well I love balsamic vinegar so I thought hmmm….strawberries, let me put my own spin (because I don’t really cook and trying to make the fancy schmancy custard is out of the question) on it and see if I can make it healthy. So here are my ingredients

  1. Strawberries (6-8 halved or quartered if you like)
  2. Balsamic Vinegar (any brand you like)
  3. Splenda or Stevia
  4. Fage Greek Yogurt (fat free of course, this is yummy delicious!)

In a bowl, place cut strawberries, add several drops of balsamic vinegar (cover, don’t saturate strawberries), sprinkle 1/2 or 1 whole packet of Splenda and then mix with a spoon. You can let it stand in the fridge for a while or not; I like to just go at it so the strawberries are still firm.—I can’t eat any fruit or veggie that’s not firm. If you’ve made a large bowl, scoop some fruit into a smaller bowl and add a dollop or two (up to you) of the Fage yogurt. Make sure you take the paper off the top and thoroughly stir the yogurt before adding to fruit.

This is such a great treat, try it and see.



ChoaticFat: Weight-344.4 (+2.4) First Goal-50lbs.

I know, I know! I am going backwards. That 2.4lbs that I lost by the skin of my teeth last month is baaaaaaaack. It’s all me—I am eating too much, I am not sleeping enough, and I am not exercising enough.

For me, I know it all stems from me not getting enough sleep and feeling dead tired all the time; even when exercising. Sometimes I have to stop not because I am out of breath, but because I am worn out (drained, spent) or whatever you want to call it. I just don’t have the energy I need to burn off as many calories as I need to in a day.

I am determined to survive this complication. My resolve is still strong, but I am weakening (cracking around the edges) a bit; I can feel it coming at me full blast. BUT I WILL KEEP TRYING UNTIL THE DAY I AM NO MORE.


How Chaotic is my Fat? — Weight: 342, To Lose: 202

Whew! I thought for sure that I had gained 20lbs, at least that’s the way it felt. I haven’t been eating well, but I have been walking that treadmill consistently. I lost 2.4lbs and I can’t really complain about that. Although, I expended a lot of energy for those 2.4lbs. In my head it should be more, but I have to remember that it has only been a month since I started exercising and I did only start out doing 5 minutes per session. But, I am up to 30 minutes per session now…Yea!!! So I’ll take my 2.4lbs and run with it, literally. I think I am going to add 1 or 2 minutes of running to the treadmill and 5 or 10 minutes of elliptical machine to the game next week. I also read a blurb in Real Simple about jumping rope and its benefits; which reminds me of jumping DoubleDutch as a little girl.—That was always so much fun.

Well everyone, wish me luck and I will see you back here next month on August 6th for my next weigh-in.

Good luck to you on your journey. 🙂

Ps: I saw my doctor yesterday and we discussed my sleeping problems and she is sending me to do a sleep study to determine whether I have sleep apnea or not.