Archive Page 2

24
Jan
08

Looking In The Mirror

I have been decluttering my bedroom by rearranging some furniture and I have a vanity w/mirror that was previously in a position where I couldn’t see my torso. The other day I was walking to the bathroom and just happened to catch a glimpse of myself in that mirror in it’s new location. I haven’t really looked at my body in a long time; I had forgotten how I used to love it and that little glimpse led to me taking my clothes off and really looking at every nook and cranny of my body; I even caught a glimpse of my soul. I surprised myself with feelings of love and a bit of admiration; I don’t hate my body at all, I sincerely love every bulge and fold, every dimple and stretch mark. I recommend that everyone go to the mirror and take a long hard look; you might be surprised by what you find.

I’m still a non-smoker, I can actually take in a full strong breath now…yea me!

Be well, CF 

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“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu

www.chaoticfat.com

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07
Jan
08

Happy New Year Everyone!

Hey everyone. I hope all is well and you are still having great weight-loss success. I am glad to be back and ready to begin again with a greater clarity of mind and greater knowledge of my strengths and weaknesses.

Over the past year I learned a lot about myself and figured out that getting rid of the chaos one step at a time works best for me. So the first thing I had to do was figure out what all the chaos in my life was about; then I had to figure out what to get rid of first. The first thing on my list was to get real and stop the number one thing hurting me and my progress. I wasn’t able to admit it to myself last year, but today is a new day, so here goes.

I HAVE FINALLY PUT DOWN THE CIGARETTES. YES, I WAS A PROLIFIC SMOKER AND I HAVE STOPPED KIDDING MYSELF. I HAVE ADMITTED AND I HAVE LET THEM GO.

It is very difficult because I am having those phantom feelings. But I am learning to replace my feelings when this phenomenon occurs. It feels really freaky sometimes though; like when I am driving and I have the urge to look in my bag for a cigarette and light up while driving or after dinner when I usually smoke to cap off the meal with a cig. I am learning to look at these times differently and start new habits. I finally got my new computer and I am learning how to design/create blogs from scratch so that is taking up a lot of my down time. Learning computer programming languages is no joke. 🙂 Sometime this year, I will have completed the new design for my blog which will include a monthly vlog and chaoticfat swag.

I am not really worried about weight gain/loss right now because I really have to concentrate on this. I am trying to save my life in stages and stopping smoking needs to come first. I gained a lot of weight last year, so I will be starting fresh on that front (I went crazy on my hiatus). So, wish me luck on my journey this year and hopefully I will come out on top with certain goals being met when all is said and done next December.

Have a great year on your journey and I will see you on the other side.

As always, be well,

CF 

www.chaoticfat.com

“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu

26
Nov
07

I’ll Be Back Soon

Don’t give up on me, I’ll be back real soon. I needed a little hiatus from a lot of things and this just happened to be one of them. When I come back, hopefully it will be at my new web address  www.chaoticfat.com  with a new look and a new attitude.

Have a wonderful holiday season and take care.

 Be well, CF

www.chaoticfat.com

“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu

23
Oct
07

Lisamm – Books on the Brain…An Expression of Gratitude

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for recommending the book Body Clutter. Love Your Body, Love YourselfI am only on page three and the self analysis has truly begun. I am trying to find out why I have this bottomless pit of hunger and never feel quite full. One thing I have learned is that I feel guilty for not better protecting the little girl I used to be. Again, I am only on page three so this is going to one hell of a road to real and authentic self discovery. Lisamm — Books on the Brain you rock. I will be eternally grateful to you.

Be well, CF

17
Oct
07

ChaoticFat:Weight-346.2 (+9.2)

I am so embarrassed to have to post that I gained 9.2 lbs…but, it is what it is. That damn Tanita is too accurate and I can’t hide from or lie to the friends who read this blog or to myself who reads the scale in all it’s accurate glory. I am disappointed but not discouraged that I now weigh a tiny bit over my starting weight. Knocking myself in the head…WHAT DID I JUST SAY?…YES, I WEIGH JUST OVER MY STARTING WEIGHT! This sh*t is so f*!king hard, please excuse my language, but I am so damn mad right now. 

I do have one thing to say… iPod — SchmiPod. Okay, so I can’t blame the iPod, but I sure as hell want to blame something other than myself. I really have fallen in love with Chaotic my little piece of electronic wonderment.

 I think right now I am soooo anticipating the new year that I am over eating a lot. I’ve done the 10lb. holiday weight gain before the dang-blasted holidays. My ass is so backwards sometime. I keep feeling like I have to resign myself to being obese for the rest of my life and then the next day I resign myself to stop the “stinkin thinkin.” I feel like I am aimlessly wondering through a verbal juggernaut with myself all the time. I can’t get my “being” to coordinate with my wants and desires.

This is so damn hard….

Be well, CF

26
Sep
07

iPods, iPods Everywhere!!

I finally earned my new iPod.

My exercising is consistent, my numbers are up and I really can’t complain to myself about myself anymore. I met the challenge goal and I really deserve the prize.

Yea! Me.

She’s a powerful little piece of electronica and of course her name is Chaotic.

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19
Sep
07

This Definitely Shifted My Paradigm

I just have to share another post from the “Fatosphere” entitled: I Hate WLS—Here’s Why I’m Having It.

Please take the time to click the link and read Heidi’s post. It will make you cry, laugh and feel a great deal of compassion for this brave woman. If you are struggling, like me, it will open your eyes to your future.

Excerpt:

 I believe weight loss surgery (WLS) is dangerous, invasive, and overly performed. I hate that something created as a last resort has turned into magical cure-all for everyone over 200 pounds. I hate that it’s become so popular and hyped that people whose information is based solely on what they see on TV have no hesitation in suggesting it to complete strangers. But what if you don’t qualify? Gain weight! Go to Mexico! Find a less strict surgeon!

WLS is the quick and easy answer! Because altering your eating and drinking habits for the rest of your life couldn’t possibly be something worth a second thought. I always have been and always will be highly, highly critical of weight loss surgery.

And I’m having mine next month.

Here is the link to the complete post:

http://kateharding.net/2007/09/18/guest-blogger-heidi-i-hate-wls-heres-why-im-having-it/#comment-11826

Below is the comment I made to the post:

Heidi:

Congratulations on having the courage to make the best decision for you. I am on my own weight loss walk and needed a paradigm shift; a way to see my fat and my struggle with becoming healthy as more than a chore or just something to do in order for me to be happy. You know the old saying, “I’ll be happy when…”  Well I have been letting that guide me, until today.

It has been a privilege to read your post and I thank you for saving my life. Although I will not have WLS, I will take your words and the steps necessary to do what I know I must do to lose the fat that’s killing me and get healthy.

Be well, CF