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03
Jul
14
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20
Aug
08
The Training Wheels Are Off
18
Aug
08
Don’t Laugh…I Bought A Bike
Okay, stop laughing! My intentions are good. I bought a bike for basically three reasons:
- I think gas prices are going to keep rising in the near future. Unless we really decide as a nation and actually get off our pompous asses and start sacrificing something, we will always be dependent on foreign oil…chaotic stupidity.
- I’m trying to become a conscious consumer; I want to be aware and knowledgable of how the environmental changes happening
affect me personally and my community generally. I want to contribute, become a part of the green movement and do what I can to make a difference however big or small. Soon you will be able to visit me at www.oneadaygreen.com where I will share my green journey by doing one new thing green every day. I want to do it this way so that I don’t feel like I’m being deprived of anything and not so overwhelming by it all that I stop…chaotic greenery. - And lastly, I remember the joy I felt riding a bike throughout my life. I remember riding as a kid, then
as a teenager. Once I learned how to dirve and got my learners permit, riding a bike became passe. I want to rediscover my youth in some ways. But mostly, I need to get my butt off the couch and this is a great form of exercise. Below are pictures of my bike and helmet…chaotic Joy.
As always, be well
CF
“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu
30
Jul
08
Stress, Stress and More Stress
I am not one who worries or gets stressed out about things easily and thankfully that still holds true. That being said, I have been under a great deal of stress lately, worrying about a family member’s health. For almost a month, this member was misdiagnosed and we finally learned that she had diverticulitis. It is a digestive disease which forms pouches outside the colon. She has gone through a round of antibiotics and soon will have a colonscopy; the next step is changing her diet so that she eats more fibrous foods which is proving to be difficult. She can no longer eat dairy and needs to cut down drastically on sugar; getting her to comply and to basically eat more like me is like pulling teeth. I try little things like buying soy ice cream, and soy milk, etc. We already have a lot of beans and veggies and whole wheat and whole grains in the house, now I just have to get her to eat them. She is a small woman and since getting sick has lost some weight which is freaking her out, which is in turn freaking me out. For a time she wasn’t eating anything at all; she has always been a junk food, crappy food, fast food eating individual whose weight hovers around 120 -125, her weight went down to 114, but is now around 116. Like I said she is a small woman, so that 5-6lb loss is very noticeable. A side note, I have found that she is excessively vain which is cute and funny. We went to the hospital for a check up and she got a couple of cat calls and that made her feel good, which made me feel good.
I know this has nothing to do with my weight struggles, but I just needed to talk about it. Thanks for letting me de-stress and decompress.
As always, be well
CF
“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu
I need to blow off some steam right now so please excuse any excessive expletives.
It was my intention not to ever watch the new weight loss show on TLC — I Can Make You Thin, but last night I purposely reminded myself that it was coming on so I could check it out. I watched a few minutes and this guy started saying he was going to make you thin through the television; I changed the channel. Then I thought okay, give him the benefit of the doubt; so some time later I turned back to the show and this time the host was telling people to tap away their cravings; give me a fucking break. I am so tired of people trying to sell Americans a bunch of bull shit, instead of trying to sell the truth…Get up off your ass and exercise and put the fork down and stop eating too much food. That’s what we need to be sold on, the fast-food we are eating is killing us. Get back into the kitchen and cook healthy foods, stop eating that crappy processed food shit you are being sold on. Wake the hell up America, no one can stop this madness but us.
Move your ass and close your mouth.
Okay, I’m done.
As always, be well
CF
“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu
18
Mar
08
Self-Esteem, Inferiority & Fat
So far this year, I have been exploring my inner being and who I really am, or at least who I think I am and how my fat plays a part in that. I am trying to figure out where my hunger, greed and need for more started and how my ego is a part of those needs. I am trying to figure out how my ego feeds my need to never feel inferior to anyone, but my ego relishes my ability to feel superior when it’s necessary to save myself from my perceived notion of inferiority.
I know this all sounds like this woman maybe sliding off the roof or something, but I want to truly understand why I got fat in the first place so that I never have to worry about this again. The statistics for regaining weight are very high and I don’t want to be a part of that statistic.
I always thought I had a healthy self esteem and I am finding out that maybe it wasn’t so healthy, but was a mask for feelings of inferiority. My mask was my way of getting through this life relatively unscathed by life’s harsher dimensions and eating and getting fat helped me hide because when you’re fat you become mostly invisible to the rest of the world.
I won’t say here, but I believe I know the exact series of events that helped me lose the inherent confidence I had as a child. It’s unfortunate that we don’t recognize the point at which we help to change the human being a child was to become and instead of appreciating children for who they are we want to make them who we think they should be. Once the process has begun the rest of the world recognizes the child’s vulnerability and pounces on it.
Now I am left to clean up this mess and it is turning out to be quite a clean up job. Learning to really be responsible for who you are, what you feel and how you react to the world is hard, but extremely liberating. I am freeing myself from the wounds, real or perceived that I have been carrying around and covering up with food for many many years.
I am still a Non-Smoker 🙂
As always, be well
CF
“Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu
ChaoticFat 